non obligatory made it back to that familiar coffee shop god only knows how poem

   THIS DOG
THE MAN OCCUPYING THESE EYES
HAVE TO STARE AT EACH OTHER
B/C ONLY THEY COULD UNDERSTAND
THE JOURNEY THAT BROUGHT
THEM HERE
WITH AWE

& BEWILDERMENT

OUR BACKS WERE TO THE ROPES OF THE DESERT

STEERING WHEEL COMING OFF OUR TIME MACHINE.

BACK

TO THIS COFFEE SHOP

WHERE HE WAS LOST

BEFORE EVER LEAVING.

EVERYONE LOOKS

CLOSER TO DEATH

EXCEPT THE UNRECOGNIZEABLE

PEOPLE

ONLY GLANCE AT THE MIRROR

TO KEEP THE JIG GOING

WHERE IS TIM KELLY?
AND WILL THE BUFFALO BILLS WIN TODAY?
THE GIRL ON THE LAMB
WHO ROMANTICISZED CROSSING

THE COUNTRY BY BUS

FELL IN LOVE ON THE WAY TO SEE HER BOYFRIEND

WHAT WILL HER BOOK BE ABOUT?

HOPE IT CAPTURES THE STENCH & NEVERENDING TIME WARP OF THE GREYHOUND BUS.

WILL THIS HEART

FIND PEACE BEYOND THIS MIND?

AND WHAT DID THAT COYWOLF WITH 3 GOOD LEGS
THAT MYSTERIOUSLY PASSED US IN PORTLAND MEAN,

IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF NOTHINGNESS?
                                 ///
12/8/19
ROCHESTER NY

ADULT BOY, the album

This is the album i recently released under the musical entity band name thing ive been operating under called "accept yourself" (sorry to all my former bandmates in the project we all knew i was a self centered egotist that is best working alone)(that makes me laugh,smile,sad, and want to cry at the same time). I released it on my birthday (8/13) while in wyoming- i went to see the meteor shower that always happens on my birthday, but there ended up being a full moon so it wasnt that crazy but putting a mattress on top of the van and cuddling savannah under a frosted blanket at the base of my favorite place (the grand teton mountains) was epic though. so this album had actually been on ice for a minute i recorded it the fall/summer before this most recent one. i was falling apart and this album kept me together.people like to talk shit to me do you ever make non sad songs.fuck you.or just il put up my walls. i love this album, in all its shitiness.i consciously tried to deal with feeling of rejection,pain,not being good enough in a conscious way. the acoustic side [A] I wrote all the songs while savannah and me were mobbing around the country on trains and hopping in and out of strangers cars. side [B] I came up with when literally I was so close to the edge, was stayin at uncle tims empty house and he had a keyboard and a childrens drumset there,and I was just like what the fuck would I do if I wasn't this fucked up- pretend not to be- so  I started making beats and workin on the other side of the album...

NEVA EVA [quit]

this here the video for the song NEVA EVA.(many pleaded their case for me to name it adult boy, but i havent survived this long, at below poverty level ,in the music game by not listening to my own instincts)
these scenes were long dreamed up then serendipitously brought to life after the original filmographer ghosted me and it opened my eyes to the talent right in front of me with my homegirl Laura and my boy Nick to do the shoot. it was so demanding. they were so fucking dedicated.she was so appreciative of my wads of one dollar bills to keep her going.i'l never forget when we were ripping up stolen paper in a warehouse for the hamster cage scene and we'd been tearing paper for like 2 hours and we were like what the fuck are we doing with our lives.well this is it...

LOCKED OUT

never once was this site abandoned.

as the world changes and I still don't have a smartphone google corporation can not imagine my existence so they locked me out for trying to sign in on library computers throughout the lower 48.

this makes everything I do on here a lil bittersweet but I like it so im gunna keep putting things here when the time space continuum allows.

with love,

-e

whatever it takes

neva eva quit.

its easier to write love songs than to be in love

the sweetest shoulder in the whole world

the tape is now , fully , digital...

now my unsupportive ex lovers can listen at their leisure without buying the tape

some pictures from nyc

my favorite building in new york, I wouldn't expect you to understand

there's legends in this picture but i'l never say their names

yeah that's a van, yeah that's soho, who slept in the back you may ask? does he? did he?

met this dude in portland maine and we chilled by the tracks for like a week. I broke my Obama phone because I was paranoid so I fell out of touch. then years later I went to the hop out in portland Oregon and there was some bumb sleepin under a bridge, then I say the dog and I yelled "LINDYYY!!!" and it was them.bout another year later I saw him at a grocery store in Rochester. this picture was takin at Washington square park in new York and its the first time we ever orchestrated meeting up ourselves.lindy is doing really well, I think she enjoys living out of a van, but hed argue that to death. his name is traincore brian

innocence. tafais first time in nyc, this was takin within 10 minutes of him hitchin into the city, he was so confused, but he hit his stride n loved it.

atticus' apartment was like seinfeld

                                                   savannah and the air mattress

double exposure of inside and outside jennie's apartment in bed stuy, where she let me stay for 3 weeks, it was great

 

got the best sleep in forever on the sidewalk on 11th street in the village.there was a lurking rat. and can u catch bedbugs off the concrete? cuz ive been itching since

like writing poems the best

realized writing poems is prolly my favorite thing out here. was chillin with my pc Detroit friend elle when she was in nyc n we went to this feminist etc book store and there was a zine section.the coffee was only a dollar and really good, mostly been drinkin tea though. but I didn't really like any of the zines. but it made me long for a time long ago when I was always makin zines, now I wanna make one, but irealized most my zine stuff I post here. I don't fucking know. I like trees. buti like paper more than digital.havent updated this in a while but I missed you.

feeling in this heart
toxins
in this mind
dollars off that grind
I don't wanna
want
all the time
bar codes
are fading
the sewers of new york
are yearning
for something less
i'm so impressed
i digest
affordable poision
endure the noise
and
hoarde my toys
whores the boys
lord of the pies
dollar slices
the line between
rats and mice's
overpriced
isnt priceless.
organic vegetables
over rice
fear constricts me
from the light
the image forming device,
meditation Zamboni
gathering cobwebs
with intricate designs
beyond the mind
closer
to natures spine
mom,
im crying
and want to die
but im doing fine///

[near st marks place nyc, boy or girl?]

judge a book by its cover
yea i still hate name brands
so what if i left the muji tag on
i kinda like them
n they have the best recycled notebooks for cheap af
shout out to japan

nycstillexists (acoustic mixtape)

wrote these songs while living , illegally, in a vacant 1970's rent control manhattan railroad apartment with an empty fridge for $400 a month this winter. recorded them into my friend jennies tape recorder the day before i got thrown out

pissing ppl off everywhere i go (lovingly)

outside of the urban underdogs favorite coffee shop on st. marks pl in east village.
grace gets free drinks there

guess she cool or something

me,

im just a jerk with a wonky smile, somewhat loveable

we skated to chinatown

rip will

new york isnt the same without you

found a typewriter in the trash

the girl i moved to new york city for said only white people use typewriters. she never considered me white.i guess that makes this is a prominent event.

                                             [went back n forth between painting n writing]

lit

prince vince

feel like coming from rochester/buffalo- we didnt have many creative successes to account for. in highschool eminems dj (green lantern) was from rochester and i had classes n smoked weed with his cousin, ani difranco was always a badass who i thought was weird when my sister was into her but came to admire once i started playing guitar and surviving as an independent musician, and then theres vincent gallo...
dont remember how i heard about buffalo 66 - but it changed everything
it made me proud to be an emotionally wounded, weirdo, raised on the buffalo bills losing.
and it was a piece of artistic genius,even if its kinda boring sometimes, but its beautiful, and it was made by someone from upstate- it only could have been.
i remember when we were living in "the kompound" in rochester
a flop house of sorts,in the best way possible,that was spearheaded by kolacki and funded by bathsalts,that threw the best parties in the city.
we threw an art show in the attic- we completely transformed the place and put in so much work.it didnt get the turnout as our drug/alchol induced ragers but it was beautiful
i remember the new york city girl who said-"this is so amazing,im so sad more people arent here to appreciate it"
maybe that made it more beautiful
and the cherry on top was at the end of the night - g dreis said "this is amazing-you even have buffalo 66 showing on repeat"
its was my homage to our forefather
buffalo 66 showing silently over seeing his rag tag offspring doing their thing.

i hear all sort of people saying shit about vincent- mostly bad- or that they used to have a big crush on him- and it always makes me so proud to have a buffalo bills beanie on and im no longer embarassed i was raised by an emotionally deficient father who loved his losing team.
but i came across this essay and i think its fucking great
alot of shit is spot on, i feel, especially in the climate of today where this politically correct bullshit ostrasizes anyone who holds an unpopular opinion-YOU CAN,AND SHOULD, HAVE DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT VIEWS ON SHIT AND STILL BE FRIENDS.
http://www.anothermanmag.com/life-culture/10236/an-open-letter-from-vincent-gallo-unfiltered-and-unedited

salute.

california girl / new york boy

HIGHLY RECOMENDED [RIP]

out of place.in style.

been flexin in nyc since i was five.

DAYONES.