farewell to the urban underdog.

WILL,

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN & THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER LIKE YOU.

YOU WERE TRULY ONE FOR THE BOOKS.

A SOUTHERN HICK, SEASONED ON THE ROAD, SCHOOLED ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK.
YOU WERE AS SHARP AS ANY MOTHERFUCKER IN THIS CITY AND TWICE AS FUNNY AS THEM.

YOUR WIT, YOUR ACCENT, YOU HAD A ONE LINER FOR EVERYTHING.

YOU WERE SO CUTE BUT I COULD NEVER TELL YOU THAT BECAUSE YOU WERE ALREADY TRYING TO FUCK ME-

BUT YOU WERE NEVER A CREEP, NEVER NOT SWEET, & ALWAYS A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN.

I ADMIRED YOUR GAME SO MUCH THAT I THINK I SOUGHT IT OUT TO SEE WHAT TRICKS YOU HAD UP YOUR SLEEVE & TO BOOST MY SELF ESTEEM.

BUT ABOVE THAT

YOU WERE A TRUE FRIEND.

YOU ALWAYS HAD TIME FOR ME,

EVEN IF YOU WERE A DIVA IF I WAS 5 MINUTES LATE,

YOU'D ALWAYS try TO HAVE A PLACE FOR ME TO CRASH

AND IF YOUR ROOMATES WERENT WITH IT YOU'D PULL SOME STRINGS AND FIND ME A WARM SQUAT.

YOU WERE AND ARE A FOLK HERO TO ME.

A TRUE AMERICAN BADASS.

YOU WERE THE FIRST TRAINHOPPER I MET,

AND YOU OPENED MY EYES.

AND WHEN I WENT OUT AND GAVE THE RAILS A RUN FOR THEIR MONEY THE SHIT YOU TAUGHT ME IS PROLLY WHY I MADE IT THROUGH WITH ALL MY LIMBS.

THANK YOU.

YOURE THE REASON I ALWAYS, AND STILL, LIKED RIDING GRAINERS THE BEST.

WHEN I DIDNT KNOW NOTHING 

YOU WERE TELLING ME STORIES & SHOWED ME A PICTURE OF YOU RIDING A PORCH..

EVER SINCE THEN CONSCIOUSLY & SUBCONSCIOUSLY they always seem like home, SAFE, Secure and I always envisioned you
WILL, THE URBAN UNDERDOG.

WHEN WE MET, AND WE TRAVELED UP THE COAST, AND YOU WERE TRYING TO FUCK ME, YOU WERE TELLING ME YOUR DREAMS & STORIES,
HALF OF WHICH were MADE UP EXTENSIONS OF YOUR FICTIONAL WRITING, I KNEW AND DIDNT MIND.
YOU TOLD ME ABOUT A DREAM TO PUBLISH A collaborative ARTIST AND WRITER ZINE 

called the urban underdog.

It was the most magical phrase

and it described you point blank.

you loved this city,

you romantisized it the way it was meant to be romantasized.

You didnt give up on it.

it was inspiring.

[even if the dope didnt hurt your affinity for it here.]

you still hung out at cafe's all night like kerouac was there.

and even if they were yuppie ass places

you made them real.

you and your ratchet ass service dog 

that literally would bite everybody.

Zola was so fucking cute everyone wanted to pet her.

I watched her bite a girl at Union Square,

you yelled at the girl

than coddled Zola like a little baby.

God you were THE GREATEST.

My last text to you was on thanksgiving eve-

it said

"the urban underdog"

what i usually said to initiate conversation and see what your plans were,

but turns out you were already almost dead,

i wish i sent you texts that said how beautiful i thought you were-

because that how i described you to everyone else.

I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN RUGGED FOLK HEROS CROSS THE THRESHOLD

BUT I HOPE YOU MAKE IT TO A PLACE WHERE YOUR LIGHT CAN SHINE N YOU AINT GOTTA WRASTLE YOUR DEMONS NO MORE.

ALL THE TRAINKIDS WILL BE PRETENSIOUS PUSSIES IN THE SHADOW OF YOU,

AND NEW YORK CITY WILL NEVER BE AS BADASS WITHOUT YOU.

 LONG LIVE THE SPIRIT OF WILL COLBY

THE URBAN UNDERDOG.!

[eulogy, as read at his street kid memorial at east river park, lower east side, new york city. december 1 2018]

[altar at memorial]

realized while painting this that i also did a watercolor painting of will on the 2nd day we hung out on a rainy ass day in fairfax virginia in the public library.

will dig that out someday.

also

this song i wrote years ago

it was a tribute to will,while alive, or something, that morphed into a love song because he put me in contact with a girl i started seeing who had a boyfriend in prision

"blame it on will" "for fallin in love"(hed had a thing for be and her independently)

when i told him the lyrics, at the semi fancy brooklyn artist loft he was living in and paying for by flying a sign, he excitedly said

THATS RIGHT!

everyone just blames it on will.

think that was the night you got telling stories about your childhood

and the south really came out

you put on david allen coe

and said old crow ripped off his song for wagon wheel (tryin to figure out which one)

your accent was so thick and cute.

wow.

id say i miss you and be sad

but im lucky to have met and been close friends with such a remarkable man.

farewell.

i was all over myself.

u p p e r e a s t s i d e p i t b u l l

THIS CITY WAS BUILT ON A CAUCASIAN RAVE, STONED
AND ALL THE IMAGINARY DIVISIONS HELP US TO DIG A DEEPER HOLE.
THE PRIME CONCERN IS PAYING RENT.
HOW DO YOU MEASURE TIME SPENT?
HOW DO YOU FIT THREE CREATURES
     IN A HALF PERSON BED?
IN THE FINEST FLY BY NIGHT SITUATION ONE COULD IMAGINE.
ALL THE RELATIONSHIPS ARE ROCKY BECAUSE THE GOODS ARE DAMAGED

HE STANDS IN THE SUBWAY_
PLAYING BLINK 182 - damnit.
STILL HAVE TO CALL GRANDMA.
STILL HAVE AN OLD ATLAS
WITH ATTRACTION TO THE TRACKS CUZ
SCARED LIFE WILL PASS 'EM (HIM).
RUNNING FROM THE SELF-
GLOWING SCREEN CONTRAPTION
AND A PLASTIC WRAPPER APARATUS.
MAN ACTS LIKE A CACTUS
WHEN A CHANCE AT LOVE HAPPENS.
AND WHO COULDN'T LONG FOR SEDONA?
EXCEPT THE PEOPLE THERE.
DREAMING OF SOMEWHERE ELSE AS A DISTRACTION.
IF FIRST TIME VISITING ALIENS LANDED IN UPSTATE NEW YORK DURING A EARLY WINTER RAIN STORM-
THEY WOULD PROBOBABLY JUST LEAVE.
OR MAYBE THEY WOULD BECOME BUFFALO BILLS FANS///
[MANHATTAN NOV '18]

kill the dj

magic

http://active-healing.blogspot.com/2011/02/specific-affirmations-from-louise-hay.html

accept yourself. mountains.

when will the artist love himself?

for a fallen brother, andy's poem.

miss you so much man.
wish I was fucking there for you.

I'm so sorry

thank you for everything

may you be reborn in peace.

what train or road I wouldn't hitch to come see you in Colorado now
to have u treat me like a lil brother
givin me titty twisters n me getting pissed at you tryin to assert myself
laughin at your table reinacting the kai the hitchhiker story
"freight train riders know this"
or you beggin me to do an omen painting for you
"yo kid..."
andy I love you man
I'm so sorry I didn't reach out
or come see you in Colorado this summer
fuck man

bless your soul
I swear I'm gonna learn somethin from this
good bye.

loving vincent

(Vincent Van Gogh-Portrait of Armand Roulin/the yellow jacket 1888)

Loving Vincent is an amazing movie. Maybe the most creative/best I've ever seen. they turned this painting into a moving character. and he's so handsome. reminds me of a drawing I recently did of myself ; /   (that i'll put up soon once I can scan.)

the power of love.

I hated Adam Levine of maroon 5 so much that after like 5 years of openly expressing how much I despised him I started feeling bad for him that someone hated him so much.that empathy paved the way for that now I openly love dude and crank his shit anytime it comes on.

soymilk and honey

when you just barely,psychologically and literally, survived crossing the desert and made it to California and someon that loves you comes and picks you up in sacramento.

actually...

this whole project is real as fuck so i'll just post the entire thing

my best friend's a mannequin

HOBO GHOSTRIDER.

peace to the legend.
he finally go the folk song he deserves.

son

my mom used to beg me to never treat women the way my father treated her. i wonder if i let her down.

MY BROTHER (IN ARMS) IS A GENIUS

Bartholomew the hitchhiker. god damn. honored to have been chillin with him in forsyth park in savannah, homeless,when he was piecing this together after hitchhiking out of nyc in a blizzard. i even get a shout out in the 3rd verse. god damn. genius with 17 views on youtube- does that make it more beautiful.

summer

esra says we're all addicted to carbohydrates because they release dopamine.

rest in peace irma.

 thanks for believing in me grandma.

no comments? ever

this site has been up for like a decade
been visited supposedly almost 13,000 times
not a single person has left a comment though?


first person to do it wins an original drawing or haiku or some shit

please don't ask me about trains.

last two

felt compelled to do a painting to express how it feels to have your last two girlfriends get back with their ex , who both excessively bad talked, when you went out on the road to chase dreams and were under the idea y'all had a mutual understanding.

dedicated to the starry eyed kid who picked me up outside of austin, tx in his van half a decade ago and said "my mom told me: chase your dreams and the women will chase you."

dirt (original transcript/photo post writing)

New Orleans May 2018
photo and poem occurred at the Norfolk Southern hop out
(yes nova, you've been there)

the hardest working man in no business

freight trains run through glacier national park

<3 3="" nbsp="" p="">

waiting for a train on the most notorious route(HI LINE) /// waiting for someone that doesnt give a fuck about you to call

(composed/drawn in gold bar ,WA . forever ago)

your notebook was there for you.

lilsaylavee/bigpeep

love is all from what ive heard but my hearts learned to kill

live on the streets of montana alongside the great norther railway

hitchhiking

yesterday there was 4 separate solo hitchhikers at the place to catch a ride, we played oogle survivor, bonds were formed / broken / there was hate/ there was love; there was aggressive breed dogs . and then everyone ended up in the same town like 5 miles away,again, and got the band back together to bask in our synchronicity and then we found a fucking 5th person hitchhiking who came and camped out with us and i almost punched when he got on his holier than thou im on acid trip shit n told me i was putting of bad vibes when i told the girl from buffalo my uncle worked at the casino on niagra falls but instead i hit him with a low blow and kept it G(fingerpicked my ass off and talked shit/facts). last i heard was "hes a good dude but you gotta understand hes from the east coast" from the cute lil kid i hitched with that was 18 and had 7 fingers on one hand that i think could revolutionize guitar playing, as i went to sleep. everyone scattered off in the am in stange patterns and savannah and me went and found some pretty mystic redwood trails(in a park i wanna go back to)  and then got picked up damn near instantly when i threw my thumb out, and they smoked meth all the way to within 8 miles of my great aunts doorstep.

modern science aparatus proves...

this study was not funded by monsanto
but we have conclusive evidence that im never wrong.
lobbyists are on their way to washington dc to filibuster for my tax exemption .

sleep.

ive had 2 good nights of sleep in the last 2 months. one was when the girl i was having nightmares about came to see me and the other was beneath a redwood tree(like 12 hours good). back to the redwoods...

YIKES

when youre hitchhiking and youre done living in your mind and the person asks where youre going and you tell them your just going with the flow then they are kinda unsure what to do so they drive you like 15 miles off the beaten path to some desolate gorgeous swim spot n youre kinda freakin out because theres no traffic or shoulder on the road-but youre like- "this is okay because the kid is playin the new kanye west."
#stillalive
this my jam
tetons shit
 

if your all about the destination than take a fucking flight

reminds me of my scummy and rugged roc homies

"got hate for me- cuz they was busy chasin bitches n i was chasin dreams"

letters to e

cover of this but changed.
dreams nightmares and trolls

dirt.

the dirt
is the least dirty thing under this bridge.
Maybe the trash heap
is composting into
graffiti art.

between the highway &
the railroad tracks -
there are souls who wander,
carrying the baggage of distraction beneath their eyes.
with a tearful & sexually stimulating
sadness lingering.
young men becoming tramps ;
waiting for their lady
and disney movie.

living amongst plants
who are also managing to
survive on the fringes
of this "civilization".

being obligated to the seat
of your dirty pants
couldn't possibly be that bad.


[NOLA MAY 2018]

hope lil peeps mom is ok.

hitchhiking is depressing.

figured this one out while hitchin from new orleans to dallas in record breaking heat- pardon the crazy looks-been out there hoppin n thumbin n aint look at a computer screen in a few weeks-a lil off key from time to time but I blame it on pedro tellin me I could have the beers in his fridge n I rarely drink but I was feelin sad and texas enough to guzzle em for a momentary buzz that lead to a deeper whole. but shit I'm proud of myself for figurin this beautiful song out.1

the champs

HARD BUT GOOD TIMES

hard but good times /// accept yourself from Emoore Saylavee on Vimeo.

accept yourself tape out now.

       on bandcamp                 on bigcartel

while traveling for the last few years, living/learning/writing songs/fucking up/getting it right - had a constant reoccurring dream/vision to find a non residential studio space that i could record music in, throw some sort of sleeping surface in, and ideally not pay much rent. this past end of winter i was on the streets of new york city and while i was at the library in greenwich village on 6th ave looking at greyhound tickets to detroit to try and rebound from a heartbreak i got a message from matthew corey( a kindred spirit who had also been on the hunt for a studio) that he found the building we had been looking for and i should come get a studio- after i told him about my love life and how i was gonna go out to the D to see a girl he pretty much insisted that i get to rochester ASAP and jump on this studio- which i did. after coming back to the roc and hustling my ass off playing cello at the lilac festival for tips i secured a cavernous rustbelt industrial loft to make things happen in.yada yada yada/(didnt rebound proceeded to be damn near ,unintentionally, celibate for bout 6 months). eventually hunted down a 4 track cassette recorder ironically about this: ive loved tapes since i was a kid and they make me feel something and recording with them is a pleasure but a big reason i was insistent on using a 4 track was when i saw attic abasement mike recording the song "werewolf" forever ago - i was certain i saw him using the tascam portastudio in the back bedroom turned studio in the meigs st hipster house- and this memory always stuck with me- so when it came time to record i wanted to follow in the footsteps of one of my favorite artists and it took forever to find a affordable 4 track that didnt sound like shit (my previous one was broken from backpacking with it)-so i do this-record an album-and i get Mike to play the release show for this tape (dream come true) and i ask him about dancing is depressing and his 4 track and he tells me "oh-i did that on a digital multitrack recorder) (lol)

but yea just poured alot into this tape

cried during recording or after listening to playback of every song on here

there are tones of hopelessness and heartache but i always tried not to let it drown in melancholie and see the hope in nature etc

dont really know what else to say

hope u get the chance to dig it

1 love  

free my dude tho

youngbol locked up in japanese prision

god damn

free me dude

/hmu if u kno about law in japan

the one and only

bind (bihnd)- [verb] to tear it up voraciously with a zest for life (see binder[noun])

"i dont wanna ask your father or anything"

"this foggy line
this misty morning
this railroad sign
keeps me falling
i sleep outside
even if it's raining
it's a sign
i'm leaving in the morning

i don't wanna talk, you lost me yet again
somebody left all mighty, my god friend
reptile mind, the good thrilled parted game
i don't wanna ask your father or anything"


(he lost me a little sonically at the crazy chorus- but as always beautiful lyrics and an interesting wave
reminds me of today)

tape leak

(from the new accept yourself tape)

accptyrslfbois

live on new york city radio

 i only do interviews with people who let me n my dog sleep on their couch when i was homeless.

this makes me cry every time/best christmas gift ever.

young bols, OG's, & vagrancy

i met tafai (SOE)
while i was busking on east ave in rochester during jazz fest
he was intently watching while i played freight train
i immediatley liked him
then he told me he too wanted to busk and i completley put walls up and was not at all interested in encouraging him, as i was already dealing with about 10 new teenagers with modern baseball tshirts and vans playing vance joy songs on ukelaylee  b/c they thought busking would be a fun thing to try out
meanwhile i was tryin to hustle up skratch to hold down my first place i'd had keys to in years.
but i ended up runnin back into him on the coffee shop curb scene
and he ended movin into the bohemian non residential downtown building with a cool landlord that matthew corey and me were turning into an art collective.
soe ended up in a windowless room, working restaurant jobs, playing mean guitar, singing with an uncertain voice, depressed, talking about suicide, worshipping his idols that died young, and diving back into a nasty drug habit.
one night he came into my room talking suicide- and i was like dude hit the fucking road
he'd always wanted to- but he'd been shut down by psuedo friends who we're trapped in their own fear to live and told him he'd get killed b/c he was black.
well he made it to cali- came back with a spirited voice
and is bout to drop an album hes recording in the storage closet he's living out of.
and im honored to be featured on this track called "leaving/vagrancy laws"

blknwhit(_whtpitclick_)