(for jennie)

jennie, i really think you should buy me  this
remember the tag in east village i did n tried to explain to you?
its only fitting.
and given that youre not allowed to hang out with my friends or me you could hide it somewhere in nyc
[no I don't think you could leave it with julian as we are allies]
not sure on size
2x for loose or 3x for baggy...hmm which do you think would go best with my black pants?

lonely and estatic [the teton rag] , in the desert, where accept yourself thrives

sorry for all the self centered posts.
im lonely,egotistical,isolated and sending messages in a bottle (lol)

non obligatory made it back to that familiar coffee shop god only knows how poem

   THIS DOG
THE MAN OCCUPYING THESE EYES
HAVE TO STARE AT EACH OTHER
B/C ONLY THEY COULD UNDERSTAND
THE JOURNEY THAT BROUGHT
THEM HERE
WITH AWE

& BEWILDERMENT

OUR BACKS WERE TO THE ROPES OF THE DESERT

STEERING WHEEL COMING OFF OUR TIME MACHINE.

BACK

TO THIS COFFEE SHOP

WHERE HE WAS LOST

BEFORE EVER LEAVING.

EVERYONE LOOKS

CLOSER TO DEATH

EXCEPT THE UNRECOGNIZEABLE

PEOPLE

ONLY GLANCE AT THE MIRROR

TO KEEP THE JIG GOING

WHERE IS TIM KELLY?
AND WILL THE BUFFALO BILLS WIN TODAY?
THE GIRL ON THE LAMB
WHO ROMANTICISZED CROSSING

THE COUNTRY BY BUS

FELL IN LOVE ON THE WAY TO SEE HER BOYFRIEND

WHAT WILL HER BOOK BE ABOUT?

HOPE IT CAPTURES THE STENCH & NEVERENDING TIME WARP OF THE GREYHOUND BUS.

WILL THIS HEART

FIND PEACE BEYOND THIS MIND?

AND WHAT DID THAT COYWOLF WITH 3 GOOD LEGS
THAT MYSTERIOUSLY PASSED US IN PORTLAND MEAN,

IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF NOTHINGNESS?
                                 ///
12/8/19
ROCHESTER NY

ADULT BOY, the album

This is the album i recently released under the musical entity band name thing ive been operating under called "accept yourself" (sorry to all my former bandmates in the project we all knew i was a self centered egotist that is best working alone)(that makes me laugh,smile,sad, and want to cry at the same time). I released it on my birthday (8/13) while in wyoming- i went to see the meteor shower that always happens on my birthday, but there ended up being a full moon so it wasnt that crazy but putting a mattress on top of the van and cuddling savannah under a frosted blanket at the base of my favorite place (the grand teton mountains) was epic though. so this album had actually been on ice for a minute i recorded it the fall/summer before this most recent one. i was falling apart and this album kept me together.people like to talk shit to me do you ever make non sad songs.fuck you.or just il put up my walls. i love this album, in all its shitiness.i consciously tried to deal with feeling of rejection,pain,not being good enough in a conscious way. the acoustic side [A] I wrote all the songs while savannah and me were mobbing around the country on trains and hopping in and out of strangers cars. side [B] I came up with when literally I was so close to the edge, was stayin at uncle tims empty house and he had a keyboard and a childrens drumset there,and I was just like what the fuck would I do if I wasn't this fucked up- pretend not to be- so  I started making beats and workin on the other side of the album...

NEVA EVA [quit]

this here the video for the song NEVA EVA.(many pleaded their case for me to name it adult boy, but i havent survived this long, at below poverty level ,in the music game by not listening to my own instincts)
these scenes were long dreamed up then serendipitously brought to life after the original filmographer ghosted me and it opened my eyes to the talent right in front of me with my homegirl Laura and my boy Nick to do the shoot. it was so demanding. they were so fucking dedicated.she was so appreciative of my wads of one dollar bills to keep her going.i'l never forget when we were ripping up stolen paper in a warehouse for the hamster cage scene and we'd been tearing paper for like 2 hours and we were like what the fuck are we doing with our lives.well this is it...

LOCKED OUT

never once was this site abandoned.

as the world changes and I still don't have a smartphone google corporation can not imagine my existence so they locked me out for trying to sign in on library computers throughout the lower 48.

this makes everything I do on here a lil bittersweet but I like it so im gunna keep putting things here when the time space continuum allows.

with love,

-e

whatever it takes

neva eva quit.